Film Noir
by In Walked Luck
Summary: A collection of genuine feelings, thoughts, and memories from both Veronica and Logan during seaons one and two.


**Disclaimer:** I own no one and nothing. The title and lyrics come from the song by The Gaslight Anthem. A billion thanks to steenbeans who beta'd this for me. She's the best.

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_I've been gone too long,  
I've been less right that wrong,  
I've lost so much blood in the fallin' out_

**Apology** - He won't do it. Weevil can beat the shit out of him as much as he wants, but it won't matter. Weevil can't make him apologise to her. He'll never apologise to her.

**Betrayal** - Deep down she knows this is wrong. In her gut she knows it wasn't him who killed Lilly, she knows this is the ultimate treason. But she does it anyway.

**Bitch** - She regrets her words the moment Wallace calls her out on them. So she was a little mean - okay, a lot mean … and she feels bad. She feels bad for something she said to him. She's not sure if it's the mention of Hannah that makes her feel like the worlds' biggest cow, or her sarcasm before that. The words _heartless bitch _echo in her mind.

**Blame** - She can't even blame him for blaming her. His logic is flawed, but it makes everything from the last year make perfect sense.

**Break-Up** - Leo is a great guy - kind, funny, handsome. He mumbles in this adorable, self-deprecating kind of way that _should_ annoy her. He loves pizza, he's good to his sister, and he got suspended from his job because of her. She has very few nice things to say about the person she's breaking up with him for.

**Christmas** - A lot of things happen. A lot of bad things - money going missing; laptops, Rolexes, and Faberge Eggs being stolen; dads being stalked, stubborn, and stabbed. He loses to Weevil, he fights with Duncan, and he finds out Sean is a big, fat liar. But when she works her PI magic, he can't help but grin.

**Cigarette Burns** - She never mentions what Trina said, never brings up the cigarette burns and broken noses, the _stories he used to tell_. He doesn't know if he's grateful for that, or furious.

**Crimson and Clover** - He remembers when she turned up with short hair, dark clothes, and combat boots. He'd realised a while before then that he obviously didn't know this girl he thought was his friend. Now she's sassy, snarky, and … well, he can't deny she's kind of sexy. And as she'd helped him look for his mom, he'd realised he liked this new her - even more than he liked the old her. But when she stands him up, he almost wishes there was a bit of the old her left in there somewhere.

**Despair** - No one cares. He'd admitted his love for her that very summer, but when the bus goes over that cliff, no one bothers to let him know she wasn't on it. Not her, not Duncan, no one. He has to endure over eleven _agonizing_ minutes of Dick talking shit before her name is finally mentioned and he can breathe again.

**Dream** - She pretends it means nothing. It does mean nothing. She repeats this to herself this multiple times that day.

**Epic** - He feels like an _epic_ shithead when he remembers his words from the night before. When he realises just what an _epic_ fuck-up he made by calling Kendall; when he understands the hurt look on her face is all because he's such an _epic_ jackass. Epic can go fuck itself.

**Essay** - He doesn't care that he won, he doesn't care that he technically cheated, he doesn't care that she caught him out … he cares that she remembers watching _Easy Rider_ with him. Apparently well enough to quote it.

**Exposed** - He calls her his girlfriend in front of everyone, _stands up for her_ in front of everyone, and it's a whole side of him she's never seen before. It makes her feel warm.

**Gun** - He doesn't even know what's going on. All he knows is that Beaver's pointing a gun at her, and he might just die if anything happens to her.

**Hands** - It's about as PG-13 as they can get, but seeing them hold hands still does funny things to his gut - funny, awful, nauseating things.

**Homecoming** - Champagne. Limos. Red Satin. I've Never. More Champagne. Lilly's Dress. The Look on Celeste's face. Lilly's Kiss. Camcorder. Drunk. Out all night. Being grounded. Being worth it. Soccer Uniforms. She was twelve. A tiny tingle in her stomach. _He thought she was hot._

**Hope** - "I was hoping it would be you," she says. But when he turns to face her, there's only surprise in her voice when she says his name. He tells himself she's surprised at the sight of him - the blood, the bruises, the look in his eyes - but he doesn't really believe it. He wonders if maybe she thought he was someone else. He wonders if maybe she _hoped_ he was someone else.

**I Hear The Bells** - There are no flowers or candles or romance. He's drunk and she's sceptical and they're both a little bitter. But at least the song is perfect. And, in all honesty, scepticism and bitterness suit her much better than flowers and romance these days anyway. As far as declarations of love go, it's not bad at all.

**Impressed** - It happens more times in one day than he's willing to admit. First when she stops by their table at lunch, all faux innocence and sweetness, sitting next to him as though it's still an everyday thing. Then, later that night, when she walks around his poker table, clearing those who _are_ innocent and declaring him bachelor number three. When she downs the liquor that turns out to be iced tea, her confidence alone impresses him. And he can't help but grin when she takes Sean's seat and begins to shuffle like a pro. Even when he's losing all his money to this girl he's spent all year hating, he still can't help but be impressed.

**Indifferent** - She tells herself that he doesn't know. Her sarcasm and disinterest seem legit, and there's no way that he knows what he's saying is true. It's out of sheer determination that she doesn't blush at his words, at the memory they evoke. But her insides definitely feel warm because of them, because of the genuine look in his eyes. And when he asks how much easier her life would be if she were indifferent to him … well, he really has no clue.

**Innocent** - She'd once accused him of rape, and of murdering his own girlfriend. But she believes he didn't kill Felix. He wishes this newfound faith in him didn't matter so much.

**Jackass** - She'll never tell a soul, and she'll deny it until she's blue in the face … but sometimes she misses his friendship.

**Jealousy** - "You're cute when you're jealous." Christ how he hopes she's jealous.

**Knowledge** - A part of her knows. Somewhere in the back of her brain, when those arms wrap around her, when that body wearing someone else's sweater reacts to her own, she _knows_ it's not Duncan. But she doesn't move away until he speaks.

**Lies** - "I mean, we're not exchanging friendship bracelets."

**Lilly** - He buys her a Lily pendant for her eighteenth birthday, hoping she can wear it with the star from Lilly. He never gets the chance to give it to her.

**Love** - She never actually says it, and he's not sure she ever will.

**Moan** - "And last summer, I made this townie girl moan without even using my hands." Oh, she remembers. Out of every memory that summer brought - and there are a lot - that's the one she runs over in her mind, time and time again. It was the kind of moan she had never heard from herself before, the kind of moan that just fell out without any effort on her part. And all because of the wicked things his lips and teeth were doing to her neck.

**Momentary Thing** - She kissed him. She kissed _him_. She lifted herself onto tiptoes, and pressed her lips against the side of his mouth in a barely-there kiss. But a kiss nonetheless. And a part of her wants to die at the look of shock - _horror_? - in his eyes, but all she can do is shake her head and turn away. Until he grabs her. He grabs her and looks at her in this insane, not-a-chance-am-I-letting-you-get-away-with-just-a -peck kind of way. And he kisses her. And if she did die due to some kind of shock, she's pretty sure she would die satisfied.

**Rape** - He can't quite comprehend how she could possibly think he would do that to her. Sure, they weren't on the best terms then, and he was anything but nice to her, but … if he didn't _ache_ at the thought of someone doing that to her, he wouldn't be sure he could forgive that accusation.

**Scar** - She never asks about any of them. After what Trina said, and that quick conversation with Duncan, she knows. She knows who gave him those scars. But she has scars of her own, and can't quite bring herself to ask him about his. But she knows she should.

**Sex** - It's not until she leaves Duncan's suite that she begins to feel let down. When she runs into _him_, realises that he was next door, making those noises, _eliciting_ those noises … she begins to compare. She begins to wonder _why_ the cuddling was the best part.

**Snow** - As fake as it is, it's still pretty. And as dark as she likes to claim to be these days, pretty is always good. But despite all the pretty, all she can think of is the look on his face as he'd called for an ambulance. She hates that she's worried for him.

**Suicide** - His mom's dead, his dad's an asshole, his sister's a bitch, his best friend's a little insane, his ex-girlfriend's dead, and his current girlfriend thinks he murdered her. Drunk as he is, he can't come up with a single reason not to jump.

**Sway** - His hands on her waist feel right, her arms around his neck feel right, and being this close to him feels right. And it all makes her feel a little bit dizzy. The song lyrics echo in her ears, and she knows they'll be stuck in her head for days to come. And she doesn't mind one bit.

**Sweat** - She's hot. It's the middle of summer, warm and stuffy in the Xterra, and the bead of sweat that rolls down her spine should disgust her. Instead, it just makes her kiss him harder. She should take off her jacket - she _wants_ to take off her jacket - but she won't. And, for once, it's not because she doesn't trust him and his hands and what he and his hands might do. She doesn't trust _herself_. Because once one layer comes off - even a layer as unnecessary and insignificant as a jacket - she'll convince herself to take off another. And then she'll convince herself that he convinced her to take off another, until she's wearing nothing … and anything and everything could happen. And she's not ready to go there yet.

**Tears** - It shocks her to see him crying. It's not like she's never seen him cry before, but this is different. This is after Lilly, after their friendship ended, after months and months of mutual hatred. She hates how helpless she feels almost as much as she hates the lump in her throat she has to swallow back. And she hates the lump in her throat almost as much as she hates what he is going through.

**Unexplainable** - She tells herself it's for Wallace - these feelings of anger and betrayal and _hurt_ - but she knows it's not true, and she knows he knows it's not true. But that doesn't mean she knows what it is. He's with Jackie - she's _draping_ herself all over him - and she just can't explain the jealousy that surges through her.

**Video** - Watching the tapes she gives him changes things. He won't admit it - even to himself - but watching her and Lilly like that, watching the four of them like that, makes him feel good. Makes him feel like he used to.

**Wrong** - He knows exactly what's different about her the moment he sees her. It hurts, the ache in his chest really fucking hurts, but there's nothing he can say or do about it. He just hopes she knows that she chose wrong. It should have been him.

_You're sugar and spice,  
And everything nice,  
You've got open wounds in a young boy's pride._

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Feedback is always appreciated :)


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